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This past month as been a blur of emotions for me. From worrying about gastric bypass green lights, to family drama (or lack there of. Call me paranoid but when all is calm during the holidays with out the traditional family fight- I get worried.) To stressing about school work, health related issues etc. I just haven’t been able to catch my breath. And for about a month now I can’t sleep worth a darn. Of course my life is so boring with out a man, kids, or a strict schedule that I really don’t stress about it all that much. Except for today. You see I have to keep tabs on the bipolar aspect of my health, and when I can’t sleep for shit every night for a month, its time for me to call me doctor to get put on something to help me sleep, or at least get some Benadryl which is guarantee knock out drug of choice for me. I wouldn’t worry about it if it were just sleep alone, but its also the fact that I’m irritable, over the stupidest things. So my readers, I believe that I am having a mild manic episode. Thankfully as part of the green light from the pdoc I have to make an appointment and keep an appointment with my local mental health facilities. My counselor is wonderful and very encouraging, and I think I’m going to be having a long talk with her about this Wednesday.

One some better news- My sister and her boyfriend should be coming up to visit me soon. I can’t wait. I love/hate being here alone day after day. Its more like I love it because its drama free and I don’t have to deal with people’s gossipy shit, but I hate it because I live so far away from my family. Mom wants me to move down to the Tower’s where she’s at, and I’m just not all that comfortable with it. I like living here for the most part. For the first time in a long time, I have friends that I can go out with that understand my ‘I’m not going to drink, but I’m certainly willing to dance like I’m drunk and be DD to make you guys feel better.’ and they understand me. And more over the care about me as me and not me trying to hard to please people. Also I’ve been able to really grow as a female and really value the empowerment that I’ve tripled since being here.

Did I mention that my Birthday is this month? Yeah… I don’t wanna talk about it. Don’t tell anyone but I’m going to be *gulp* 27. I’m having a huge problem with this. Not because its old or anything like that. But because I kind of had a to do list of things I’d wanted to do before I turned 30. And only like two of those things are going to be done. The first is getting the gastric bypass and loosing the weight, and second is graduating from college. Thanks to Full Sail I’ll be able to do that.  That and birthday’s =cake and ice cream and blargh. However Pillsbury now has sugar free cake mixes and frostings that are pretty stinking good.

I did learn that Special K protein shakes are amazingly good, but also very high in sugar. Sugar is baaad. I’m also starting hopefully tomorrow (I’m taking a bus to Wal-mart.) I am going to get the Whey protein shakes that are very low in sugar and some protein shots. (They have grape, watermelon, and strawberry… Strawberry wins for me.) and I’m going to go on a week long liquid fast to try to up my weight loss and get over this plateau I’m having.  I’m also doubling my work outs to three times a week to 30 min daily, rotating between just dance 3 and doing the treadmill, and upping my water in take from 63oz to 126 oz. I haven’t had soda in a long time, but I have gone out to dinner, and starting tomorrow-er-today I am going to be on a 90 day no fast food challenge. With that I’m also doing a 90 day no caffeine/soda challenge. Ok so since I can’t sleep, and the dog is snoring beside me on the floor, I decided to take it on step further on the 90 day challenges and create a new 101 in 1001 list. You can find it under the Day Zero tab. Wish me luck!

This weekend has been filled with less that spectacular events. For the most part I am over the I-wanna-die-right-now syndrome that goes long with colds, flu, and just about everything else, thanks to my having caught mono as a teenager. Thankfully I have doctor’s that really care, and I can call to ask about what to take best with my health issues. ^_^
With that being said, last night, Sunday, was the day that I was supposed to go out on a date. He’s sick, I’m getting better, but yesterday I woke up with a migraine that would not quit. 3 aspirin taken three times yesterday did not help the pain. I ended up closing my eyes, in the dark and blissful silence with frozen green beans on my forehead because I was out of ice. (Don’t knock it, it works!) After switching it when it got too cold to bare from forehead, to the back of my neck several times, my step mother texted me and said they’d be here soon.
At 8:15 PM I went in for my CPAP machine test, and got all hooked up to wires, and they had to use that goop stuff to make it stick. Hence the name of my blog entry. I promise you that goop has not yet come out, and after washing my hair three times in the sink, I may end up taking a nice long hot shower, after my work out. So I’ve been up since 6 AM and the time difference is just weird. I think its already 3 or 4 in the afternoon, and I even dozed off during an episode of HOUSE M.D. I’ve already seen.
Now for those of you who don’t know a CPAP machine stands for Continuous Positive Air Pressure. Its used for sleep apnea patients to force the muscles the relax and not let air flow freely in and out of your lungs to stay open and let you sleep, cuts out snoring and apparently helps you NOT wake up with screaming head pain. WIN!
So for today, I am going to continue to work on homework and watch House. I also have to keep and eye on the dog, while her energy level hasn’t changed she keeps getting this pimple like things on her scar from the spay. The incision is jagged and not all that pretty to look at, and well, I’m worried that the vet might have missed some thing when doing the follow up. So I am going to keep an eye on that. Other than that, its just another Monday.
P.S. Caffeine headaches SUCK.

So its been a little over a week since I’ve been on the medication. I’ve notice that I’ve been more blunt, a lot more disconnected and that falling asleep is really hard, waking up in the mornings are harder, and coffee is now my best friend. Last night as I was just getting tired enough to go to bed, a friend of mine pops up and she was pretty upset, so we talked and then I started to fall asleep at the keyboard. I had to let her go so I could get some sleep, this was around 2:30-3:00 AM. I used to be able to go to bed around then and get up at 8-9 AM and be fine. Now? Forget it, no amount of coffee is going to keep me awake. I so I am going to go back to bed after my sister picks up her paper work, then I am going to get up, get a shower, do the self reflection video and viola! I’ll be good to clean for the rest of the day. Also today is when I get my products from EdenFantasys!!! I’m so excited.