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So its been a little over a week since I’ve been on the medication. I’ve notice that I’ve been more blunt, a lot more disconnected and that falling asleep is really hard, waking up in the mornings are harder, and coffee is now my best friend. Last night as I was just getting tired enough to go to bed, a friend of mine pops up and she was pretty upset, so we talked and then I started to fall asleep at the keyboard. I had to let her go so I could get some sleep, this was around 2:30-3:00 AM. I used to be able to go to bed around then and get up at 8-9 AM and be fine. Now? Forget it, no amount of coffee is going to keep me awake. I so I am going to go back to bed after my sister picks up her paper work, then I am going to get up, get a shower, do the self reflection video and viola! I’ll be good to clean for the rest of the day. Also today is when I get my products from EdenFantasys!!! I’m so excited.

Last night my friend BB came over with his girlfriend who is also amazing. And Papa bear was there too. I just threw chicken in the oven and BB said I owed him for the bets we made over shot for flag on a football game. Well he won, still not sure how. I can’t exactly remember the football game.

Well the night started out with a beer and spiraled out of control from there. Note. I know how to drink responsibly and I’m usually the one taking care of people. I haven’t been this drunk in a long ass time. That being said. I fell down once at the bar that I remember of. I remember vaguely drinking a Pepsi at this point. I remember A walking me home… once I hit the front door. I don’t remember shit. This scares me for a few reasons:

• I have temper issues. If I had lost me temper blacked out I could have seriously hurt myself or someone else.
• There are gas guys here that are not the most honest of men. A few are wanted for rape, and in one area a gang rape of a 15 year old girl. If I had passed out and didn’t have such amazing friends I could have been seriously injured, raped, or worse.
• Alcoholics black out. I am not an alcoholic. I can count the number of times on my hand this year I’ve drank and all of them I didn’t get drunk drunk.
• I am a rape survivor. Becoming that irresponsible isn’t like me. I totally lost myself.

And by lost myself I woke up in the middle of the night, in my bed and I couldn’t remember getting there. Thankfully I have amazing friends and an amazing best friend who helped (read pushed) me into bed. And a sick sister who put up with my drunk ass. Needless to say I woke up this morning with the worlds worst hang over. My first ever hang over mind you. I can drink with the frat guys, or I used to be able to. However I am growing up and only eating sweet potato french fries wasn’t the brightest idea either. I NEVER want to be that drunk again. For my safety and everyone’s sanity.  Waking up and only remembering half the night is not ok. It is not right. Its not fair to me or to my family. I love them and I am grateful for them, I am.

After my massive oh fuck hangover started to ebb. I got up and vacuumed, did two sink loads of dishes, swept the floor… this is the most I’ve been able to do in a week because of my own feeling like crap and not being able to breath when I moved, but my asthma is back to being under control and I’m back on the weight loss journey. I had made plans to do this yesterday but my sister came home early from work and I knew she was sick and didn’t want to give her worse of a headache if that was the case.

I walked the dogs a few times today and I was going to come in and say to my sister to just sit and rest while we fended for ourselves tonight but she beat me to it and started to make a fabulous stuffed pepper dinner! I love her!

I just really hope that whoever reads this doesn’t judge me as a drunktard (which I was last night.) but actually listens to what I am trying to say. Drinking is fine. As long as you’re smart about it. And for the first time last night I wasn’t smart, I wasn’t even close to being smart about it. And it could have ended badly but I have some amazing friends. I just hope that all young women out there that are drinking are being smart about it. Know yourself and your body well enough to say nope I’m done. I didn’t last night and I regretted it for much of today.

With men anymore? Seriously? Why is every conversation a lead to let them jerk off? Or why are guys trying to get into two different girls pants? What about our feelings?

Ok I’m a little drunk, I have a date tomorrow, and I think I’m gonna pass out…. g’night.

I’m a little drunk. I got a call from my sister and off to the bar I went. I didn’t pay for a whole lot of drinks either but I’m pretty shit faced. I’ve  had to re read this and re type this four freaking times.  I suddenly like tequila…. I had three… too bad I didn’t shoot for four… I could have been on de floor.