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Today I went to a wedding for close friends of mine that I consider family, and I was their photographer. I honestly had a blast, and it was my gift to them. They had a Wiccan marriage ceremony called a Handfasting, and since this week was the week of Mabon or the harvest it was only fitting that it was in a grove of trees under a pavilion. I’ve been working this week on a lot of letting go, downsizing and of course moving.

That’s right, moving. I got accepted into the low income apartments. My rent with everything included is way less than what I am paying now, I still get to keep my dog, and my sister and W have their own apartment now. Win-win for everyone. I am so exhausted from running around, not only that but because I am High Priestess in Training and an ordained Minister I would help with the circle preparations, and thankfully I remembered my sage stick because I put one together and cleansed the circle while my sister centered herself and got herself ready spiritually. It was a beautiful ceremony and I got to meet a lot of really nice people from New Jersey. But alas, I am so freaking tired, I am going to change into PJS and crash hard core.

Tomorrow I am going to clean up the house a little bit, and do a mass edit on the photos publish them to facebook and then get back to packing. UGH I am so tired!

This afternoon two of the Mormon missionaries stopped by the apartment. Now I couldn’t let them in because the rule states that they can’t be in the same room with a female alone. Avoid the appearance of evil and all. And they introduced themselves, and I replied, “Yes I know. I grew up in that church.” So suddenly they new my name and boy did they get an ear full.

I don’t deal well with out right hypocrites. They preach of love and family yet when I needed both love, and the support of a familial unit. I got none. I’m sorry but I’m not going to forgive something that hasn’t changed and will never change. At least in that ward. I can count the number of people on one hand. That reached out and helped me at any given time after my diagnosis. Less than five people actually. And they have the balls to come to my home and tell me, that I need to read the Book of Mormon. I don’t need to do anything except practice my own faith and make peace within my own world. The people in that ward made me feel like a monster, and a freak. I can not tell you how many times in my life, I’ve wanted to pick up the phone to talk to someone when I needed a friend, and no one in the church would have let me do that. No one in the church even when my phone number was listed, called me unless it had something to do with Young Woman’s class, to bring this that or something else. No one called just to check up on me when they knew that my depression had turned to self injury and I was suicidal. They speak of peace and yet I haven’t been at peace ever, unless I am in my sacred circle. They talk about the freedom to practice religion how where and what they may ¹ and yet they judge me because I empowered myself to become the witch I am. People know where I live and do you think they stop over just to visit? Just to be a friend? Nope. I’m sorry but I don’t want a church like that in my life. I don’t want to be any more of an outcast than I already am thank you very much.

Terri made this awesome post about being preached at. It was a beautifully written and I would just like to add to the subject, because well I have my own experiences and background history. I was raised LDS and the thing for that was the be a missionary and spread the gospel. It didn’t matter if people didn’t want to hear it, it was all about planting the seed. After I got depressed, and then hospitalized, people in my ward were going out of their way to make me feel like a sinner, a leper, and most of all not wanted. I have a problem with this for many reasons. First LDS follow Jesus Christ and the Bible. In the Bible it states in John 13:34:

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

They did not love me and my faults, they talked behind my back and spread vicious rumors about me. This was my first lesson about God’s Children and I wanted no part of it. I was 16 years old, and needed the family that helped to raise me, the LDS church. Instead I was cast out and the day I turned 18 is the day I stopped going to that church.

My other example is this woman, C, member of the New Life church, judged me with out knowing anything about me because of my chosen religion. Witchcraft/Wicca. Yet she is not with out sin. She’s cheated on her husband, beaten her children, and yet I was the bad one? Just because I didn’t accept her God into my heart? I’d asked her one day if she’d read the Bible. She said no. I said, “Funny, I have three times. If you want to try to lead my example, you might not want to throw stones from your glass house.” And walked away.

No one is perfect, Goddess knows I’ve made my mistakes. But if you are going to try to spread any gospel, or religion should it be by example and not by shoving it down someone’s throat? I have zero issues with the way you want to practice your religion and all I am asking for is the same respect. Unless you follow the rules, the commandments, and the moral and ethical guidelines to a T. The shut up. For example, are you a virgin and unmarried? If so kudos to you! You’ve followed ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ However if you’ve had premarital sex (and I’m not talking about rape here.) then you’ve broken a rule. These rules are archaic and not appropriate for our time.

Wars have been fought in the name of whatever God, people have died, but yet has there been a war in the name of my Goddess? I haven’t found one yet. It is not up to me, or you, or anyone else to judge me or you or anyone else. I’ve had bad experiences. YES. But let me tell you a few good ones.

When I was 16 and just diagnosed bipolar, one of the ladies in my ward came and draped her arms around me and told me I was beautiful because HE made me and that bipolar wasn’t a curse, it was a blessing because it made me strong, and creative. When I came back she and the entire Young Woman class write letters to me. And to this day I have them in my journal. Because they showed me love and hope when no one else could.

A few years back, my land lord was threatening to evict myself and my elder sister, and I called around the churches and on minister, he sounded young I have no idea how young he was, but his voice was soft kind. He said he’d pray for me and then he said, “Do you believe in making wishes on stars?” I said yes, in tears because I was so stressed out. “Well tonight, go outside and find the brightest star and make a wish. I have faith that you’ll find your way and you’ll be fine.”

Not so long ago my Mom had knee replacement surgery and some women in the ward brought her food, and ice cream, (the LDS church believes in pot lucks and deserts!) just so she wouldn’t have to cook, or worry about if I was running late. They made her a gift basket. When a few people see me on the street they greet me with a warm hello.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, don’t think that just because you can, you should tell me about a religion that I’ve already researched, been apart of, or just don’t like (seriously Satanism gives me the creeps and I researched it. It made my skin crawl.) just respect me as a fellow human being and love me anyway.

A lot of you may or may not know from reading this blog, that I am a practicing Wiccan/Witch, I am an ordained Minister in training to be a High Priestess. I watched a movie yesterday that really irritated me. 5ive Girls is the name of the movie. It was about five girls all with paranormal gifts that get sent to a Catholic school that’s been shut down, all of these girls have criminal backgrounds and are the ‘unwanted’. One girl is a Wiccan, one a healer, one a telekinetic etc. At the beginning of the movie the girls get there, are strip searched and all of their personal belongings the headmistress has considered ‘contraband’ taken. One girl even brought a vibrator -which I found funny. Well the movie goes on and the demon legion was summoned… with a pentagram. Not the upside down kind that you normally see associated with Satanists, voodoo, or second year Wiccans. No it was a regular old pentagram. This pisses me off firstly because it makes people believe that Witchcraft and Pagan beliefs are evil.

1. To practice Wicca you generally believe in the three fold law ‘harm none and do what thou wilt’

2.To give an ultimate evil a name is to give it power. Its your hell, your deity you can believe in it all you want. I however do not. We do not pay for our mistakes in the next existence-we pay for them here hence the three fold law or karma as some people believe. Sure some of our bad mojo can leak into the next life, if the lessons we are meant to learn have not been learned.

3. Wicca Witchcraft Paganism whatever you want to call it that falls under the Pagan umbrella are not the people that wrote a book, killed thousands of innocent people and falsely went after woman and sometimes men causing a mass hysteria. That was Catholics and Christians. [1.The Witch's Hammer and the Witch trials]

I personally do not care what religion you practice. I respect you for your beliefs or non beliefs. But to go around in a mass media production of religion and not speaking the truth. That irritates me just a bit.

My phone came today. I’m waiting for it to finish activating but its a great phone. Sissy had and ice cream craving so she sent Dustin out to go get ice cream for everyone. Its so weird, I slowly smoked a cigarette last night before bed and realized that my life isn’t all that bad, and I felt peace. I’ve felt peace all day, no more anxiety for the moment, no more wondering. I just know that everything happens for a reason, that my Goddess loves me and that my family is amazing. I’ve made a connection with Selena Goddess of the moon once again and it just feels right. Now its off to do homework and continue to be thankful.

So I’m thankful for my family, Nicole, Liz, my ex’s that have taught me by force to be stronger. I just .. I dunno for the moment I’m content.